


Hell/Heaven

by TheHumble_Crazy_Shipper (MW01)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Person, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Post 4x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:20:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8742181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MW01/pseuds/TheHumble_Crazy_Shipper
Summary: Have you ever been to Hell? I have, several times!A post 4x07 one shot!





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at writing First Person...gotta say, i like it!
> 
> Comments and feedback appreciated ❤️
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr (@Marleyward01)

Have you ever been to hell? I have, several times. Most think it's a place. Some think it's non existent. In my experience it's a state of being. It's a feeling that consumes you; a combination of anger, hatred, sadness, depression, anxiety, heart ache and hopelessness...and it slowly sends you mad. You'd do anything to leave Hell...and anything to stop yourself from falling down the empty hole again. 

A trip to hell is never expected yet considering how often it happens at the very moment you experience bliss, it shouldn't ever really come as a surprise. I never expect it which makes it all the more agonising. Granted, its never killed me...but it wouldn't be hell if you were dead and couldn't experience it, could it? Not in my mind anyway. Death would be easier. Horrible? Sure, but easier!

I've just returned from Hell! It was, for lack of a better choice of words, fucking, bloody shite! I suppose you could say it comes with the job; being an Agent of SHIELD definitely has its cons. It had started so much easier. One minute I was a genius prodigy, destined for a life of lonely scientific discovery. The thought I'd ever find a partner to share my passion with was a seldom considered fantasy...then I met Jemma and her beautiful brown eyes hooked me. I was a goner the moment I saw her; I'd follow her anywhere...and I did, have! Through the academy, sci-ops and finally all the way to become high ranking scientific SHIELD agents. When we first met, her beautiful young face was so wide eyed and eager to learn. Her voice had sounded like christmas morning, weaving its web through my very being, capturing me. I knew as soon as we met that I'd do anything for her, go anywhere, battle gods to the death to protect her. I still would...will! She's my everything. My reason for being, my triumph...and also my downfall. 

I've said most consider Hell to be a place and I don't deny thats possible. I've been to the bottom of the ocean with one breath of oxygen between the woman I love surviving and certain death. I've battled my own mind and its trickster ways. I've lost my best friend and found her on an alien planet and been forced to return. I've had my heart shattered into a million jealous, confused pieces only to watch as hope hung loosely before me with a sadistic smile on its face. I've loved so fiercely that the cosmos felt determined to crush me into nothing! I had thought I'd won, beaten Hells clutches for good, but that was a foolish thought!

Too say my recent mission was a failure was an understatement. Yes, I...No, we, made it back...but the ride to that conclusion was a turbulent one. I once thought the idea of portals and layered dimensions was a mere concept, a pipe-dream for the likes of science fiction but heres the thing, it's not. I've lived it. I can tell you with 100% certainty that they're possible. There's an otherworldly science out there that can explain it in detail; a book to be exact, a dangerous book that I'd rather destroy than read but in saying that, it saved my life and it's how I'm able to keep my promise to her, Jemma, and come back to her. I only wish I'd known where she'd been.

***  
I've made it! I thought with relief as I crashed into Radcliffe after diving through AIDA's portal. Coulson was ragged, his brush with seeming non-existence still hung in the air as we caught our breaths. Radcliffe was ecstatic next to me, the feel of his hard hand patting my back reassuring me that we really were back, that we could be heard, seen; I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. 

My relief was quickly replaced, however, with anxiety. I still had no idea where Jemma was or whether she was okay. Suddenly, my jacket felt too hot, weighted, and I quickly shed it before turning to Coulson and May, "Jemma!"  
Coulson gave me an encouraging nod. He knew what I wanted to do, what I was going to do and without another word I stormed out of the room. 

"Mace! Where is he?"   
The young agent I'd asked, gruffly, motioned behind her, eyes wide and clearly taking note of my anger. I rounded the corner and there he was. Not surprisingly surrounded by his varying wanker assistants.   
"MACE!" I bellowed, the distance between us closing rapidly. "I know what you did!"  
"Agent Fitz! Its good to see you back. Jemma will be here in a moment!"   
"Yeah, well I wanna know where shes coming from!"   
The rage that boiled through me was evident. I was in his personal space, well aware of his DNA, my finger pressed roughly, accusingly, into his chest anyway. The slime ball smirk he gave me only fuelled my anger. "Cause I heard you on the zeph..."  
"FITZ!"  
I gasped at the sound of my name and spun instantly to the direction it had come from; It was her!

***  
Heres the thing about love: It aches, but it soothes. It frustrates but it calms. It kills but it gives you such a fulfilling life that it could kill you a hundred times over and you'd still come back for more. I'm in desperate love with Jemma! I have been for years. If I really think about it, and if I'm honest with myself, I've loved her since the first day we met. By fate it would seem, we were partnered in a project and have been inseparable ever since, well mostly. It wasn't until we were assigned to Coulson's team that I truly realised just how much I was in love with her...and what hell was. 

You see, since our first mission on the Bus to now, to say that Jemma and I have had a rough time would be a gross understatement. Chitari virus, Grant Ward, Hydra, Alien Monoliths, Alien portals, Alien worlds, Grant Ward again...Will...it wasn't a smooth road to where we are now. Don't get me wrong, once we finally flipped the bird to the cosmos and took the leap into more with each other it's been fantastic! Not to sound like a typical man but finding a best friend of the opposite sex is great...but having actual sex with said best friend, daily, is also pretty bloody fantastic. 

But love is never easy. We have lovers spats, like any couple. I'd be concerned if we didn't, we always fought, argued and debated passionately. It makes me love her more. To see how sure she is of her feelings and thoughts. Once your a couple though your arguments become deeper. When she says "You should have told me!" What she's really saying is "I wish you had told me so that we could have worked on this together and planned for any fallout". I'll be the first to admit I don't read between the lines and the sub-meaning to her words often don't hit me until later, or in my case, until it's almost too late. That particular example wasn't made up by the way. It formed part of an argument Jemma and I had been in before I disappeared between dimensions. That had been step one to getting to Hell!

***  
"JEMMA!"   
"Fitz! Where is..."  
Hearing her voice after what felt like an eternity was like hearing angels sing in heaven. She stumbled into view and once our eyes locked I could have cried. "Jemma!"  
Our bodies collided in an epic way. I don't think I've ever held her so tight in my life. Her perfect arms wrapped around me and I was all at once enveloped in all that she was. I hadn't just missed her; I'd missed her smell, her touch, the feel of her breath on my skin, the light, fruity, scent of her hair. Her entire being. 

It wasn't just the physical absence of her that caused such pain. It was the mystery of where she had been. The anxiety of not being able to reach her and then the added burning, searing, hurt of not knowing if I could get back to her after the accident. What she would have thought, what she would have done! It was too heartbreaking to dwell on now that she was breathing shakily into my neck.   
"I'm sorry!" I whispered, voice so low I'm unsure if she even hears me. It isn't until she pulls back gently to look at me that I know she has.  
Gently, her hands cupped my face, fingers running through my hair in the way she knows I love. I almost groan. Tenderly she swipes her thumb against my cheek, a tear I hadn't realised I'd shed was wiped away. 

"I'm sorry to interrupt..."  
"Are you serious!" I said, the rage I'd had earlier building again as Mace continued. Jemma's hands came to rest on me chest as I partially turned to glare at the Director.  
"Whilst I understand both of your situations, we really do need to debrief!"  
"Oh, really! You understand our situations? Why dont you enlighten me then!"  
Mace laughed in an attempt, I guessed, to ease the tension. It wasn't working.   
"Fitz..." Jemma whispered, her fingers dug into my chest.   
"No! I'd like to know how he understands! Cause I sure as hell don't! I think that's saying a lot when your head of Engineering doesn't understand how he ended up in another Bloody dimension!"   
My voice had risen with almost every word to the point, I realised, I'd been yelling loud enough to cause our audience to grow dramatically. Mace looked around at the many faces staring at us, the shit eating grin he'd worn earlier now gone, a slight scowl now in its place.   
"Perhaps this is a conversation better had in my office!"   
"Perhaps later!" I shot back before turning away with Jemma.  
"Excuse me?" Mace said, warningly.  
My head dropped, along with my shoulders, as I heaved a heavy sigh. Jemma's hands squeezed mine as she whispered a pleading "Don't!" But I was too angry to listen. Too angry at how we'd argued for days before over a secret I'd needed to keep because of Mace. Too angry at how if he had listened to Coulson about Eli instead of hunting Daisy and Robbie they may have been able to get to him and Lucy first. Too angry that he'd betrayed Jemma and sent her off to an enemy with no extraction plan. Too angry to give a damn anymore.

I was back in Mace's space before I could stop myself. "I said," I began through gritted teeth, voice low and gruff, "perhaps later!"  
"Don't forget who you're talking too!"   
"Don't underestimate who you're talking too! Being invisible makes eavesdropping so much easier!"  
He shot me with a glare that threatened to turn into a full blown scowl. "You need to cool your head! I'll expect both of you to report for debriefing first thing, understood?"   
I was already turning back to Jemma by the time he finished speaking. He'd be debriefed...once I was good and ready!

***  
It's fascinating how couples make up! I hate fighting with Jemma, absolutely hate it! But the sex afterwards? Its otherworldly! But let me tell you...'I thought I'd lost you' sex is even better. Fortunately since we first crossed the event horizon, a metaphor for our first time, we have only had the one close call. I was so sure at the time one of us wouldn't have made it, the feeling of being cursed had still been fresh in my mind as we fought Hive and watched as Lincoln made the ultimate sacrifice for love. 

In hindsight, the fierceness of our love making once we had returned to the base afterwards seems a little selfish considering the tears that Daisy had been shedding a few rooms down. But, in our defence, it was more to reassure ourselves that we were okay rather than just getting our rocks off...It just so happened that that reassurance came in the form of bruised lips, deep claw marks, sweat and the roughest thrusting I'd ever attempted. 

That night certainly changed things for us. It was the first time I saw just how deep Jemma's feelings ran and was pleasantly surprised to find they were just as deep as mine. I've never doubted her love since then. I never really doubted it deep down but there was always a part of my brain that would wonder if she was just humouring me after all that had happened. Stupid but a true thought nonetheless.

I can't explain what it is about negative situations and the way sex is used as a way to prove everything is okay! I think it's because sex allows not only a physical but mental connection. Jemma and I share a rare bond that others have noted as a "psychic link". While at times I don't see evidence of it at all, there's no mistaking it when were in bed. 

Jemma is a beautiful creature that you look at and think God had crafted her from sugar and spice and everything nice. But get her behind closed doors and she turns into this equally beautiful yet sinfully desirable vixen. Sex with her has never been boring. It's like she has an insatiable thirst that she bottles up during the day, even around me, then when in the privacy of our own quarters she takes that bottle and lets it explode. The aftermath always leaves us both properly satiated. 

I can't say I was thinking about sex with her whilst we were apart. All I wanted to do was get back to her, know she was okay. I was in hell after all. Finally seeing her however, with the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I needed her with a ferocity I couldn't explain. 

Practically dragging Jemma to our quarters, I was delighted to feel her fingers tighten into mine. She hadn't spoken much since our reunion but her hands had barely left mine. Once we finally made it I wasted no time pressing her into the door once we'd crossed the threshold and secured the lock. Our lips crashed together effortlessly, like waves on the shore. The taste of her intoxicated me and I couldn't get enough. 

Jemma has the softest, most supple lips I've ever kissed. Admittedly, I haven't kissed a lot but I know with certainty I never want to kiss another. Her tongue slipped into my mouth to duel with mine before withdrawing to lick my upper lip. The simple move felt fantastic; I didn't even try to stifle the groan. Her hands weren't idle either, fingers raking through my hair. I pressed into her fully in response, letting her feel how much my body needed her. Our lips parted reluctantly so I took the opurtunity to trail teasing kisses along her throat. 

"I wont lose you Fitz! I can't!" Jemma gasped. Her voice broke and it drew me back to reality like a slap to the face. Tears had started to stream down her face and it was my turn to soothe her.   
"Jemma..." I cooed softly, "look at me!" Her eyes flickered to mine. "I promise you I will always do whatever I can to come back to you or get to you!" She nodded and I pulled her into a tight hug as she cried into my neck, her sobs causing my own tears to fall.   
"You were gone and if you hadn't...god Fitz...I shouldn't have been angry at you for so long!"

I knew what she was trying to say. It was the same thoughts that had plagued me. I wish we hadn't been arguing! I should have told her about AIDA! I wish we could have left each other at the start of the day with a kiss and an 'I love you'. If I hadn't come back, Jemma would have been wrecked with guilt and I would have been the same if Nadeer hadn't sent her back. 

"I'm so sorry, Jemma!" I whispered in her ear. "I love you!"  
She pulled my lips back to hers forcefully. I could taste the saltiness of her tears as they continued to flow, mixing with my own. She kissed me with gusto, open mouthed and passionate. The need which had built up inside me earlier returned in full force. 

"I love you too" she whispered between kisses. "Always!" 

We made love as if it were the first and the last time. As always I marvelled at her stamina...and my own. The scratches on my back stung as she rode me and I'm sure the love bites I'd placed above her breasts caused her the same amount of discomfort as she lay beneath me panting with her glorious face contorted in ecstasy. The room was filled with the sounds of gasps and grunts; the smell of sweat and sex seeming to intoxicate us further. She drove me wild; the feel of her wrapped around me, our bodies slamming into each other, was euphoric.

The need to be surrounded by her, affirm that this was real, that she was here and okay, was overwhelming. I'd been to hell earlier; Trapped in my own worst nightmare but now here I was, ascended to heaven by this angelic creature falling apart beneath me. Jemma was my everything. I'd go to hell a million times over, sell my soul to the devil if it meant being with her and protecting her from harm. No matter what, i'll always find my way back to her.

It was well into the night by the time we finished, both satiated several times over. As the sweat cooled our skin, Jemma draped her hand over my bare chest and drew lazy circles on my skin. The tears had long since stopped, for both of us. Love just radiated from our bodies and as she cuddled into my side, my arm resting protectively around her, I finally sighed in relief. We're fine, together, happy. It may not last but in this moment, we're safe!

Have you ever been to heaven? I have, several times! Most think it's a place. Some think it's non existent. In my experience, Jemma is my heaven...Hell be damned.


End file.
